Relationships 101

"The Life List"

Maybe you came to this page before visiting my STEPS TO CHANGE YOUR FUTURE page. If you have already visited that page, them you already have your List. If not:

NOTE: YOU NEED TO DO THIS ON YOU OWN! DO NOT SIT OR CONVERSE WITH ANYONE, THIS ISYOU!

Take the time, get a pen and paper, pick a private place, sit down and make a list of the top 15-20 things you want out of life.

NOTE: "The Life List" is something you will have for the rest of your life. Some people work better from paper. Some people work better from electronic means. It does not matter what the media. But 100%, you have to have this written (paper/electronic). You will be updating this every time that you think of new things for the rest of your life.

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PARTNER'S LIST

OK, time to have your partner sit down and do the same thing, make their list!

And, DO NOT TRY TO HELP THEM! LoL

TIME TO COMPARE THE LISTS

This part is really going to tell you a lot about what you can expect out of your future together.

Similarities:
What you are looking for are the items in both lists that are similar.

There is this nice little saying that goes around that states "Opposites Attract." That is then followed by the "You complete me!."

Well, my opinion is very simple: "If you want to have a fullfilled future, then 80% of both of your lists better match. And the top items need to be the same.

Why? Because when one person says, hey lets go do this, you want the other person to say "Let's GO!"

COMMON INTERESTS

Wanna have fun? Be with someone that enjoys doing the same things you do, because you will enjoy them together!

The other 20%
If 80% matches, and the top of the lists are the the same, it is very simple. When you say hey, let's go do this, and it really isn't on their list, they will still say, "Hey, Let's go!" because they will enjoy the time with you and still seeing you do something you like. And when they ask to go do something on the other 20% list, you will go, and enjoy being with them.

Guess what? Over time, you both will grow to enjoy the other 20%, and then your Lists will both match.

I'm sure some will read this and say, "Well, ...." But the reality is, if you want to have fun, enjoy life together, having common interests gives you such a better chance at experiencing a good life together.

When Things Don't Match

What you will find is this. There will come a time when you find yourself in the scenario where you say, "Let's go do this today." The response comes back, "I really don't feel like doing that." Then they come and say, "Let's go do this." And you find yourself saying, "No, I really don't feel like doing that, but you go ahead because I understand." Over time, you find yourself in the same house with someone, but you aren't really experiencing life together.

A prime example is a couple that gets together, have kids, kids grow up, and kids leave the house. For many years, there has been a commonality of the kids. Then all of a sudden, it is just the two now in the house. What are you going to do? That is a completely legitimate question. What the two have been experiencing together for many years, the commonality, is now gone. You now find yourself trying to determine what you are going to do now. I am by no means stating that there will be tension. One of you wants to go to the movies and the other had rather stay home and watch TV. One wants to plan a weekend away in a cabin up in the mountains, and the other had rather go to the mall. The number of examples are infinity, but the reality is, you find two people in the same home living two different lives. The only question you need to ask yourself is, "Is this what I want my life to be?"

Therefore, when you are thinking about the real future, you have to think about those type of things. If you do not have commonality from the start, you will not have commonality in the end. If you want to experience things you enjoy with someone, you really need someone that enjoys doing the same things you enjoy doing.

Googly Eyed

This is the part that is hard for some to hear, but if I did not provide what I see, I would be doing everyone an injustice.

If your lists do not match, you don't have the same aspirations of what you expect out of life, "No matter how "googly eyed" you are with the person across the table, you are not looking at the right person."

I know that is hard to hear, but if your goal, at its basis, is the pursuit of happiness, you have to ask yourself the question on how you are going to achieve that when you are not on the same page as to what you want out of life?

MISTAKE IN THOUGHT

MARRIAGE OR YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CHANGE THE OTHER PERSON

The largest mistake that people believe, is "They are going to change" or "If we get married, things will change."

Reality:
It isn't going to happen!

What you have is what it is going to be. You cannot believe that you are going to change the other person.

So, make sure that you are happy with what you have now! Do not believe that things are going to change, because they aren't

This is why it is so important at the beginning of the relationship to have your lists (independently created), determine your commonalities, have those hard conversations on expectations you have for the future, and then determine if you really do have enough in common to live that fullfilled, happy, life together.

EXAMPLE

I'm going to use what is familiar to me, but I completely realized that different people have different goals that are different than mine.

For my wife's birthday, and for mine, we have had this little tradition of telling the other person the type of clothes to pack, whether they need a passport or not LoL, but by no means where in the heck we are going. And at time, one of us could come home, say pack a bag because we are getting on a plane tomorrow to go somewhere. The fact is, we both love this. And the other person doesn't even ask. We just go in, pack, get up and be excited about what's going to happen. We love going to a play; going to see the ballet, going to the symphony orchestra, hiking to the top of a 10,000 ft. mountain and looking down at the clouds, international travel, watching the moon and the stars, driving a Jeep through the canyons, sitting together and watching TV, riding a bike 17 miles up a mountain and coasting back down, and so much more.

The real bottom line is that one of us cannot say let's go do this and the other says "No, I don't want to."

We really do like so so many of the same things. But every now and then, one of us comes up with something different, and the other really does still say, "Let's GO!" Good, Bad, or Indifferent, we go, experience it together, and decide if we are going to add to our list.

Believe me, you want to experience life with someone that you both want to go experience everything together, and nothing you can come up with the other is not willing to go. It may not be at the top of the list for one of you, but the other just says "Let's go do this together, and if nothing else, I will just enjoy being there with you, and that's enough."

It Is Never Too Late To Change Your Future!

Relationships 101